Since your birth, you have been bombarded with the world expectations crafted from;- culture, rules, customs, history… and instructed to you by your parents, teachers, spiritual leaders, government, friends…
You just complied and rarely you ever questioned, even a simple ”why”.
Many people ( including me) go through life without realising the impact of the many world’s expectations of them. Without paying much attention, that creates a state of internal confusion and that is a crisis.
You live a confused life in constant search wanting to please everyone and you don’t even know who not to please. Unconsciously, you do that to avoid rejection.
The fear of rejection is a simple one. Rejection leads to isolation and as a social being, Anthropology taught you that, individual survival depends on a group. Therefore, you see the need to try to fit because, in a group, so that you can be allowed to thrive and benefit from what others would do for you, including praises and dependancy. So, rejection is indeed our biggest fear. It takes away our sense of security. Thus it is understandable that your activities and behaviour’s core objective is to fit in, to please.
Yes, no doubt, there are massive benefits in (pleasing) but there is also a mega danger in doing so because we end up losing our own identity.
As you grow older, you start defining your set of priorities based on who you are and what you really want. What you really want is will be contaminated by your environment, location, class… but that will be specific and unique by you. Your priorities will be classified as high (more important) and low (least important) to you.
You might just ask a question, What is that which is uniquely you? To answer that, you just have to ask yourself, what is your fulfilment?
Out there in the world, every individual has one daily objective, to fulfil their higher priorities.
Now think about this reality, when you are trying to fit in, to please others, to realise everyone’s dream but yours, did you know that you are actually losing your own identity daily. Have you ever asked, “who wakes up in the morning to fulfil your priorities”?
Every day, without fail, you are been told what to do, where to go, how to do it, what not to do, why not to do that, including… to be told who you are. If you don’t believe me, just switch on your TV or listen to the radio ads…
To conquer the fear of rejection, you need to develop a sense of “self” and answer these simple questions;- who are you? what are your priorities (high & low), Do you wish to stand out of fit in? why?
How do you stand out?
I have discovered a few years ago while I was still a student at Wits, having difficulties to speak English or any other local language. My housemate would leave me out of many activities or conversations. but I have never felt rejected or isolated. I felt I stood out as unique. only then I understood;– “You have no competition to who I truly am”. You start competing when you want to fit in, when you chase values set by others, when you have not set your own life’s priorities.
There is nothing wrong with you until you want to be like others. you should know, you don’t need fixing. There is nothing is wrong with you.
When we become congruent to your true self and start acting to accomplish your higher priorities, things that have a higher meaning in your life, you will stand out and become the leader of your life and you will measure “you” base on your own internal standard.
When we finish this workshop, eliminating other expectation of us, you will realise how much you are on track with your own plan.
How do you know you are not leaving the true you?
READ MY NEXT ARTICLE… Feb 2020