Imagine driving in the around a city like Abuja, Johannesburg, Dar es Laam or Nairobi on your way to work, dropping kids to school, to the meeting or driving to pick up, and a taxi-Combi driver pulls up his vehicle in front of you and without any warning, he stops. How does it make you feel?
Imagine, you have stopped at the red traffic light, and when the light turns green to drive off, the car in front of you doesn’t move because the driver is busy doing something else besides looking ahead or driving off. How does it make you feel?
Or, imagine, you are in a long slow moving traffic jam, and the driver next to you decided to create another line, and before you know it, he drives off & passes and beats the wait drivers. How does it make you feel?
If what I have described above can make you mad or upset, congratulation, you prove to be human.
But that is only one perspective of the story; it is your side of the story.
Will you accept, if I tell you, the other perspective of the same story makes sense too? The other person perspective.
That taxi driver who stopped in front of you must make a specific amount of money for the taxi owner before establishing his loot for the day, so when he stopped in front of you, he is thinking of going faster so that he can maybe reach his daily target for his family. His/her intention isn’t to do you harm but to survive. What about the driver who is not looking forward when the light turned green? He or she was probably thinking of his/her children in the hospital, or he got bad news about his job or birth of a child that brought him/her so much joy that took the mind away from the wheels for a second, Or he/she received a message was waiting for the whole day at that second.
What we had all witnessed once or more times in our life is nothing but a result of a belief that creates behaviour.
The question we often don’t ask is, “what could be the reason people behave the way they do? Regardless of how people act or what they say, the fundamental of their actions is to bring them contentment. It doesn’t matter how dangerous or how ridiculous you think that behaviour could be, for the actors, the meaning is essential.
After all, I am sure you are aware that human will do so much to seek comfort; at the same time, they will do much more to avoid the pain of perceived failure.
While you do take action toward people’s behaviour, more often, you don’t think of them at all.
So, why do you get emotional from other’s behaviour when you don’t know its root cause? This may sound like a cliche” offence is not given, only taken.” Its is a profound saying and 100% correct.
We do feel emotional because we choose to be offended. Unconsciously, we find contentment in being upset because we feel like we have to defend our position. Whatever that position is.
I believe real power is tolerance. To be tolerant, you need to be present, conscious and in control. I have discovered in my coaching sessions, “tolerance” is an emotion that requires a lot of effort and evokes a lot of analysis. One needs to get to see the world outside their reality and project themselves into other’s world. It doesn’t mean we have to accept or join or adhere to their world, but we need to understand their “why”.
As much as you believe your time is valuable for you to do what you view as vital, other people feel the same way.
If that is so, why are you intolerant?
What happens when you don’t develop tolerance toward other people’s actions?
You get angry, and you lose your calm, you put your health in danger, your heartbeat changes, the blood flow & oxygen in your brain gets compromised; in short, your body goes into a crisis mode.
You have cultivated stress & other diseases. Also, in some other instances, you get violent.
These are the effects of intolerance.
When you are intolerant, you get out of control, you have relinquished your power to others.
Intolerant is a weakness.